Mikan Muffins
by Kiarene
Summary: "What was that, marimo? If you don't have the manners for table conversation, shut it and learn." Sanji retorted, glaring at Zoro. Flirt? As if. Sanji Blackleg was an avowed lesbian, through and through, constantly raving about the delights and delicacy of women. AU. Genderswitch.


**Mikan Muffins**

Sanji hummed as she pulled the tray of muffins out of the oven.

"Mmm… " Robin smiled appreciatively as she put her book away. She was seated at the end of the table nearest the porthole, where she could catch the sunrise just outside. "That smells delicious, Sanji-chan."

"Nami had another batch of ripened mikans this week," Sanji explained as she set the muffins to cool on a rack. "Call Nami in, won't you?"

Robin smiled as she looked out the porthole. From the galley, she could see the door to the women's cabin. A hand materialized on the door and rapped the wood sharply before disappearing. A few moments later, Nami emerged, yawning.

"That smells divine." Nami's eyes lit up when she entered the kitchen. She slid the bolt closed on the door behind her.

"Thanks darling!" Sanji shot her a grin. "Now let's eat before the idiots arrive."

They were halfway through their breakfast when the hammering started. "Saaaaan~jiiii! Why did you lock us out again?"

It was the same scene every morning. Sanji rolled her eyes. "No matter how many times I tell him I only feed ladies first…"

They continued eating but it was impossible to ignore the ruckus outside.

Nami shook her head in exasperation. "You might as well let them in. It's not like we can enjoy some quiet girl-time with that outside." She indicated a thumb towards the door.

"Just once I would like to have a quiet, testosterone-free breakfast, where food is properly appreciated and not inhaled," Sanji muttered glumly, but she got up to unlatch the door.

"All right you shitty bastards! Come in and get your food!"

Luffy fell in a pile of long limbs. Franky and Brook chuckled and stepped over them, while Chopper yelled at Luffy to move. Usopp was on watch, or he would be right in front, tangled with Luffy. Zoro brought up the rear, as usual. The swordsman always acted as if he couldn't care less if food was served, though Sanji didn't miss the way his eyes darted to the buffet spread.

For breakfast, Sanji preferred to lay out a spread along a counter, where the crew can help themselves to their favourites. There was the usual breads, eggs, meat and fruit, stuff that she always has on hand and that will fill up the male crew. If she had the time, she'd add something a little special; this morning, it was muffins.

"All right, everyone gets two muffins each - the ladies get three -"

"What?" Luffy wailed, hands stretched towards the coveted muffins.

"-and you get any leftovers," Sanj snarled and kicked Luffy away. "Get your food and sit down. Luffy, you'll get your muffins last."

"But I'm the caaaaptain!"

"Tough shit."

There was enough muffins, of course, with quite a few to spare. Sanji would never let anyone go hungry in her kitchen. Luffy sniffed and crept away to pile his plate high with ham.

"Not just meat."

Luffy nursed his head where Sanji slapped him, and he sulkily grabbed an apple. "I don't get any respect as captain…"

"Sure you do." Sanji grinned and flourished two muffins. The letters C and L were printed neatly in jam on top. "There you go: Captain's muffins."

"Yay Sanji!" Luffy bounced over to his seat, his earlier sulk forgotten.

Zoro glared at Sanji. "You shouldn't treat your captain-"

"Shut the hell up marimo and sit your ass down. This is MY galley." Sanji glared back. The first mate was twice her bulk, but in her sturdy steel-toed shoes, she was almost the same height as Zoro.

"Small domain."

"Everyone's gotta eat. That makes it the most important place on the ship."

The two snarled at each other, sparks practically singeing the air between them.

"Zoro Zoro!" Luffy called out, disarming the tension between the two. "Come here before all the food's gone!"

"Che." Zoro reluctantly turned away and sat down beside Luffy.

Sanji resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the other end of the table so that she wouldn't have to look at his ugly green-topped mug.

"This is why ladies should be served first," she grumbled, biting savagely into her half-eaten and now cold muffin.

Seated opposite her, Nami nodded, and the two women started to commiserate about the idiocy of the male gender. Robin glanced over to the other end of the table, where Zoro was, as usual, glaring at the oblivious cook.

"What are you so amused about?" Franky, who was seated beside her, whispered. He followed her quick glance between Zoro and Sanji, and huffed a quiet laugh. "He's done everything but literally pull her pigtails… sorry, braid." Sanji braided her hair today, a shiny gold rope hanging down her back.

"Sometimes we forget that they are barely out of their teens," Robin murmured, thinking of the monster trio, as the three strongest members of their crew have been named.

"Well, this is part of Springtime of Youth too," Frankly looked ready to go into one of his impassioned poses.

"The stupidity?"

"Especially the stupidity."

The two chuckled. Breakfast at the Strawhats continued, all loud and jovial ruckus, till it was interrupted by a shout outside from Usopp, who was on watch. "PIRATE SHIP STARBOARD! uh… LOOKS LIKE BLACKBEARD'S!"

"And here comes Act Two," Franky murmured.

"ROWBOAT APPROACHING!"

"More stupidity to ensue… now." Franky barked a laugh, as Robin laughed behind a hand.

On cue, Ace strode into the galley.

"Ace!" Luffy waved his brother over enthusiastically. "There's food!"

"Don't go offering my food you shitty gomu-"

"You won't feed me?" Ace pulled a pair of puppy eyes at Sanji, who looked annoyed but waved him over anyway.

"Didn't say that. I said nobody goes hungry in my kitchen," Sanji grumbled as she leaned back to reach for a plate.

"Here, let me get it." Ace took the plate out of her hands with a wink. "Is there space on the bench for me, darling?"

"Nope. You can sit on the floor," Sanji told him bluntly.

Robin glanced over at Zoro's darkening face and smirked. "Ah, I'm done. You can have my seat, Fire-kun."

"There's no need! And your coffee-" Sanji spluttered, but Robin was already standing up. Ace beamed at her as he piled his plate with food.

"I was thinking of curling up outside with my coffee and a good book." She poured a refill on her way out. Franky caught her eye and mouthed 'devil woman' at her.

Ace sat down beside Sanji, his plate heaped high with bread and meat. The air around the older pirate felt hot and _crackling_. like a spark waiting to catch. Even though she knew it was due to his devil-fruit ability, it still made her nervous. Not in a bad way, but like the charged calm before an electrical storm.

"Don't they feed you on your ship?" Sanji rolled her eyes.

"Well, they do, but then I was on watch this morning and I saw Luffy's flag," Ace explained as he ate. "And Denny's cooking can't hold a candle to yours, it's sooo good, so I hurried over to eat. Oh, and to see Luffy too."

Sanji flushed, pleased despite herself. "You hurried over… what, in a rowboat? Did you even tell your captain?"

"Hahaha… he knows." Ace grinned at her. "Your cooking is legendary."

"She doesn't need her head getting any bigger," Zoro interrupted suddenly, in front of them.

Sanji jumped a little, wondering when the first mate suddenly changed seats, and frowned at him. Her irritation grew. "Ungrateful shitty bastard."

"Yeah, Sanji-chan's cooking is the best," Ace retorted. He turned back to her, puppy-eyes again. "Are you sure you don't want to come over? The best pirate crew should have the best pirate cook."

"Then I'll have to stay here," Sanji bantered goodnaturedly. "Cuz I'm already on the best pirate crew on the Grand Line. And what about Denny?""

"You break my heart, Sanji-chan." Ace moaned. "And I'll personally kick Denny overboard. That guy's cooking sucks."

"Give him a break, he's just new."

"Oi." Zoro's scowl grew as the two chatted easily in front of him. "If you're here to flirt, you can leave."

"What was that, marimo? If you don't have the manners for table conversation, shut it and learn." Sanji retorted, glaring at Zoro. Flirt? As if. Sanji Blackleg was an avowed lesbian, through and through, constantly raving about the delights and delicacy of women.

Franky noticed Zoro's scowl seemed less sulky and more satisfied, now that Sanji's attention was off Ace. He sipped his cola, eyes interested behind his ever present shades.

A shout from outside interrupted whatever Zoro was about to say. "Ace you bastard! Hurry the fuck up!" Marco, a crewmate of Ace, stuck his head inside the galley. "Oi!"

"Coming!" Ace yelled, then looked at Sanji. "Sorry, I hate to eat and run, not with food like this and a gorgeous chick like you."

"Ah! That's all right." Sanji was a little flustered and warm. And why not? Though she only had eyes for the ladies, she can still appreciate a compliment from a guy.

She grabbed a muffin - one of the last two - and give it to Ace with a wink. "Here, something for the road."

"Thanks, darling." Ace bussed her check, and, leaning closer, daringly pointed to his lips. "How about another for the road?"

Zoro's killing aura loomed black around him. Unfortunately, the two pirates the aura was aimed at were impervious to it. Chopper, who had been steadily inching away ever since Zoro stalked over to the other side of the table, whimpered. Luffy munched on. The rest of the crew, already done with their own breakfast, looked on with amusement. Nami looked resigned. Franky even noticed a familiar eye and ear on the fridge.

"Go, shoo!" Sanji laughed as she kicked him out. Gently.

Marco took one look at Zoro and prudently pulled Ace away.

"Bye Sanji-chan!" Ace waved as he was dragged off. "Bye little brother!"

"See you around Ace!" Luffy called back.

"You shouldn't be feeding strays," Zoro grumbled, less annoyed now that Ace was gone.

"Whatever. Just because someone can honestly appreciate my cooking doesn't mean you have to be an ungrateful bastard about it." Sanji stood up to start clearing plates and cups.

"It's not the cooking he's appreciating," Zoro muttered under his breath.

"What's that, shithead?" Sanji growled. Without losing a beat, she pivoted and planted a foot on his chest.

For a moment, Zoro admired the way she can do that while leaning over the table, hands full with plates. It was a warm day and Sanji was dressed in a blue shirt and tailored shorts. Since he was seated and Sanji was standing, he had a great view. "I said, we're already feeding one bottomless Monkey pit. And close your legs, love-cook."

"That's true," Nami injected, frowning at Luffy. "I'll be sending a bill to your brother."

"That's a great idea! Nami-san is so prudent with money!" Sanji lost interest in antagonizing Zoro and went to put the plates in the sink. "Franky! You're on dish duty today!"

The shipwright had been trying to sneak out and jumped as a toothpick came flying over to _embed_ itself in the door just beside his nose. Fortunately his nose was metal, but still! "Stop destroying my ship Sanji!"

One by one, the crew began to leave. Franky was already running water for the dishes and Sanji sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and the notebook she used to plan meals. Zoro, as usual, was the last out.

"Oi, marimo."

"Hm?" Zoro turned halfway, a bored look on his face.

A muffin was thrown in his direction and he automatically caught it before he realized what it was.

"Noticed you didn't get to try one. Thought I'd save it for you before Luffy got to it."

"...thanks." He didn't smile, but the deep wrinkle across Zoro's forehead smoothed out as he stepped out of the galley. Idly, he wondered where and when Sanji had managed to hide the muffin from Luffy.

**END**


End file.
